ALL IS GRACE!

Last September 29 was our 4th month here in the seminary. And somehow I am dumbfounded that I survived here for 4 months. Few weeks after I entered here in the seminary, our former Bishop and my friend went here to attend a book launching, I came to meet him in the corridor and he suddenly told me, “O Jay, ‘wag kang iiyak dito. Matanda ka na! Pag lumabas ka ng seminary, ibig sabihin ordination mo na. No other alternatives!” I was wordless. I do not know what to tell him. I just smiled at him. I just smiled at him not because I no longer want stay here. I smiled at him because I know that it would still be a long way and there is no assurance if I can finish this. I know I want to be a priest. However, it still depends upon the graces that God will bestow upon me. I am here in the seminary because of Him. I can only survive here in the seminary because of His graces.


When I visited Father Soc in his new Diocese last home weekend, I asked him: “How are you here Father?” He answered me with great confidence and sincerity, “I am very much happy here, Jay. You know, when I was still with you at Bataan, I did my best, I offered my all for you, and I am very happy to be with you. When God told me to move on, I am still happy, because I gave all that I can offer. I did all that I can do for you. When God asks you to do something, always offer your best.” Then I realized that God let me enter the seminary. And for that reason, I must always give the best of my best. So that if ever, God would tell me to move on, I can still be proud and happy that I gave all my best.


Life here in the seminary is fun indeed. There are no questions for that. I have finally found the right place for me. When I was still outside, I would always told myself “I hope to find my place in the greater scheme of things” Now, I found my place in the greater scheme of things and I am very happy with that. However, there is no assurance here in the seminary. As I have said earlier, all depends on the grace of God. Even if you are not doing something foul, and tainted here, there is always uneasiness and apprehensions. I am very much afraid that one day, my formator would tell me to go out, to move on. There is always doubt. But I remembered what Fr. Jun Seson told us in our class. The moment your doubts on your vocation vanished, that’s the moment you should doubt.


“I know all things will come to an end, even the best and happiest ones. When the heavy and painful events are over, we sigh with relief, breathing out a silent prayer of thanksgiving. But when the beautiful things end, the challenge of the moment is to respond with obedience and faith. God knows what is best. When its time for me to go, I will go. Parting always involves sadness. But parting is also a subtle invitation to plunge into deeper waters, to venture into unknown, and trust more in the power of God.” –Abp. Soc


When it is time to go, I will go, as God wants me to. I will go. But as long as I am here, I will always give my best. I will always offer my all. Last May 29, when I entered here, I told myself, I am now ready to face all the pains and joys that I may encounter here in the seminary. After 4 months, I am still ready to face them all.


I know I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me! I can do all things through Him, with Him, in Him! All is grace!

A Letter from Jara

A LETTER FROM JARA

hindi ko alam kung anong anghel ang kumakalabit kay Jara. na tuwing kailangan ko yung advices niya, bigla nalang siyang nandyan ng di ko inaaashan.

this letter was sent thru email/.
and you know what? this letter was sent last July 16, 2009 pa pala.
at hindi ko alam kung anong nangyari. bakit hindi ko nabasa to.
at hindi ko rin alam kung anong anghel ang kumalabit sakin
para mag browse muli ng emails ko.
ngayun pa.
ngayon pa na sobrang kailangan ko yung mga salita na binitawan nya sa sulat na to.
_____________________________________________________________________________
01:42,150709


What gets you out of bed in the morning? Ü


“What are you in love with, what seizes your imagination, will affect everything. It will decide what will get you out of bed in the morning, what you will do with your evenings, how you will spend your weekends, what you read, who you know, what breaks your heart, and what amazes you with joy and gratitude.”
…
I know it will be a narrow road, and it won’t be easy.
…
I didn’t know what to expect.


I read again the message of Bro. Utoy from your blog, “I understand your apprehension basta tungkol sa vocation. Tama ka, hindi mo ito basta-basta madi-discuss kahit kanino nang di sila maiilang, maguguluhan, magdududa o mawawalan ng interest. At ang hirap ngang humanap ng taong makakausap tungkol dito, yung tipong sisiryoso at mag-eencourage sayo. And to think, this is the time when you needed all the the support and prayers you can get.”


Haauy. Immediately, I sensed a boo-boo moment. Was it inner peace? I later learned why.


Love kept us going.


Haauy.


Remember, how God fixed and prepared everything in fine, appreciating life as we see it through our eyes. Then suddenly, God surprises us, share that corner until it became our world. Pym was shared and became our second family.


Our four years being together went by smoothly. We were best friends. We could cry and laugh together. ü
…
It was battle inside- to let go or hold on. It was a total wreck.


Paulit ulit akong kinukulit ng isip kong balikan ung mga panahong nakaupo lang tayo nagkwekwentuhan, nagtatawanan, nagkukulitan, ung kapeng pinagsaluhan natin nung kahapong Masaya tayo, ung mga istorya mo, pati mga luhang, ewan ko ba, bigla nalang pumapatak.
Tapos Isang araw…….
haay..
… parang ang layo na.
Literal malayo nga, nasa Baguio ako, nasa Bataan ka. Ilang milya rin yun. Pero hindi lang pala sa milya masusukat ang distansya… pagkagising ko kahapon, eto na :’(


I had tears in my eyes reading your blog how people loved you at your hour of need. At paulit ulit kong naririnig ung bokasyon, bokasyon.


……..haay. BOKASYON.
Natawa nalng ako bigla, bakit kasi iniiwasan kong pakinggan e assigned tone ko nga pala yun para sayo.


Oo, at Pinagdarasal kita.


Ako na ata yung pinakamadalas mong paglabasan niyan. Ako na ata ang pinakamadalas makarinig niyan. Ako na ata ung madalas mong iyakan sa nararamdaman mo.. Ako na yata ang laging magsasabi, “mahal na mahal ka ng Diyos at maswerte ka dahil mas mahal na mahal ka pa Niya ngayon.” Hindi to ordinary sa isang girlfriend, ang weird. Oo ang weird talaga, kahit ako nawiwirduhan talaga. Pero pinakamasarap na paguusap natin, tuwing umiiyak ka sa harap ko, nahihirapan, naguguluhan, natatakot. Kasi naman mas nakikita kong, bukas, Magpapari ka.


Lord said, “…Look, I am going to seduce him, lead him into desert and speak to his heart…”
I whispered: You have seduced him, Lord, and he let himself be seduced, so be it!”
Totoo, naniniwala rin ako na may bokasyon ka. Sa mahabang panahong pagkakakilala ko sayo hindi ka sumusuko sa nararamdaman mo. Hindi mo titiisin yung galit ng magulang mo tuwing uuwi ka galing sa simbahan, *pagod, gutom, masama na yung pakiramdam kung walang nagtutulak sayo. Hindi ka makakaramdam ng kagaanan sa paglilingkod at hindi ka magkakaganyan kung walang napakalaking nagtitiwalang Diyos sayo.


May halong lungkot at pagtatanong sa puso ko nung binabasa ko yung blog mo.


“Di mo magagawang pumunta ng lihim sa Manila for a vocsem kung walang grasya ng Diyos na nagpalakas ng loob mong gawin yun.”


Oo nga. Hindi mo magagwa yun kung hindi ka nagaalab sa tawag Niya. Oo nga hindi mo magawa yun dahil nanghihina ka nga eh pero dahil sa grasya ng Diyos, nagkaroon ka ng liwanag, nagkaroon ka ng lakas ng loob.


Jay. There is “one person out there just for you”- His name is Jesus, and He wants the best for you.


Discover in prayer how God wishes you to act.


Discern more. [it’s the feeling that we discern, not just the ideas.]


DECIDE.


[[ don’t discern forever sabi nga ni Bro Utoy “there is never really the right time. We can always say, di pa ako ready kasi kailangan ko pang mag-grow up, kailangan kong tulungan ang family ko, kasi nandyan pa si Sugar, kasi ganito, kasi ganyan. Kapag ganun ang mindedness, tatanda ka na lang eh hindi ka pa rin makakapasok.” Ang galing. Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything. ]]


About the signs thingy,


I agree again with Bro. Utoy, look at the signs, moreover, signs are to be tested. Don’t just decide based only on signs because devil can also produce all those signs. -Fr. Green
…………………………………………………………
Haaay.
I’m happy nilalabas mo tong nararamdaman mo sa mga kaibigan, perhaps thru blogging, para hindi lang ikaw yung nagdadala. Continue seeking spiritual direction from somebody more experienced. Ang dami ko ring natutunan sa sinabi ni Bro. Thank you sa mga katulad Niya, he spoken like Erps. :))


I know it will be a narrow road, and it won’t be easy.


Jay, sa huli kalooban pa rin ng Diyos, wag kang magalala, wag kang matakot, wag kang malungkot. Anu pa man, palagi lang kaming nandito, palagi lang rin akong nandito. Pamilya tayo di ba. Makakaasa ka sa mga panalangin ko. Hindi man madalas ako ung nahihingan mo ng lakas ng loob at sinu nga ba naman ako sa lakas na maibibigay Niya, makakasiguro kang kasama mo ko sa paglalakbay. Hindi nga lang tayo nakaksiguro kung hanggang saan, hanggang kailan. Maraming nagdadasal para sayo. You’re very much loved Kuya, Jay.


Till here..


For the one called, it is being loved by Christ that moves us to get out of bed in the morning.


Fall in love, stay in love and it will decide everything.


P.S.


hindi ko magawang magkomento sa mga sulat mo. hindi rin kasi ako magaling dito. never rin atang lumabas sa bibig ko ang mga to. Masaya lang ako ngayon. Basta.. lucky day today. Ok tayo. :’)


Lord said, “…Look, I am going to seduce him, lead him into desert and speak to his heart…” I whispered: You have seduced him, Lord, and he let himself be seduced, so be it!”


Lucky day today and I know you know what I mean. ü


I believe that there’s much more into you na hindi ko pa nakita sa loob ng apat na taon at siyang manghihingi ng atensyon mo ngayon.


*nga pala, hindi ka expressive eh pero this time you expressed more than enough.


Magpapaka-fan na ko. ang galing ng mga sulat. Ang galing mo magsalita. God is in you. ü


May potential ka!. :))


You are The Best. ü


jara.. ü


thank you so much jara.

thank you for always being there.

please keep on praying for me.

46 days left at nasa seminaryo na ako. Ito na yung
matagal kong ipinagdasal sa Diyos.

Asahan mo ang mga panalangin ko para sa iyo.

You are loved, Jara. :)

Ang Sandaling Pinakahihintay

"Ang sandaling pinakahihintay, ay ang marinig ang 'Yong tinig. Sumisigaw aking dibdib sa labis na pananabik.

Salamat sa pagdaloy mo sa oras na ito,

sa tinig Mo, makikinig ako. "

Di ako makapaniwala. Ito na nga siguro ang simula ng panibagong paglalakbay ng buhay ko. Sa totoo lang, natatakot ako. Di ko alam kung anong pakiramdam pag nasa loob na. Hindi ko din alam kung ano ang mangyayari sa akin pag nasa loob na ako. Ang alam ko lang, hindi madali. Pero para kay Lord na maglalagay sa akin dito, KAKAYANIN KO!